This morning in my devotions I read from Hebrews 12:1-2. It is my prayer that I will keep on running the race with perseverance, the race that has been marked out for us. It is also my prayer that I will continue to keep my eyes on Jesus because he is the author and perfecter of my faith. Last week I received a new devotional book that I received as a gift from Kim who works at the American office and I got it through a girl who was here visiting Romania for a week. Something in the devotional reading challenged me which was “be on guard against the pit of self-pity”.
I realized this morning that this is something that is easy to do to fall into this trap when you are going through a trial or difficulty of some sort. I know for myself I have been asking God “why me, I don’t understand why is this happening?”So, instead of falling into this trap of self-pity during this time I need to focus my eyes and heart on Jesus. I am very thankful that God is speaking to me through these devotional reading.
This afternoon I went to Săbolciu with Mircea and Norbi. We had another great day with the children in the village. Today we taught them the third commandment from the Ten Commandments which is – to not take the Lord’s name in vein. Before we left for Săbolciu Norbi asked me for suggestions of what we can use for today’s colouring sheet. We tried to brainstorm for different ideas but then as I looked at different pictures I saw a picture of children praying and then I said “that’s it we can use a picture with children praying because when we pray, we pray in Jesus’ name!” I’m sure that God gave me that idea because I wasn’t sure at first of what we could use and it was perfect for explaining it to the children when we were there! We also prayed, sang and did the memory verse with the kids.
In the evening I had a Skype conference call with my Pastor from my home church in Canada. We spoke for around 40 minutes. My Mom actually gave me heads up of what the conversation was going to be about when I spoke to her on Monday because he already told her the news when they were at my house on Sunday. When my Mom told me the news on Monday I was shocked but it hit me like a rock when he told me (I guess because it became more of a reality to me since it came directly from him).
So, the wave of shock that I got from my Pastor was my home church cannot directly handle my financial support anymore which is what they have been doing for the last year and a half. My church has been directly handling my support because the organization I’m currently with does not have a Canadian office so with my funds going through my church people are able to get an income tax receipt for their donations. My church recently found out that they cannot help me anymore because giving directly towards an individual and not a registered charity is actually illegal. They were not aware they were doing anything illegal so now that they know they cannot continue to do it.
My Pastor felt bad for giving me this news especially after the shocking news of my Romanian visa situation but he wasn’t aware of this situation until Sunday when he was at my parent’s house. Boy, when it rains it pours! My Pastor told me some advice in giving me some options that I can look at which are: encourage the organization I’m working with to get a Canadian office, make for myself my own registered charity or apply to be a missionary under the PAOC (Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada). After he gave me those options he encouraged me to keep doing what I’m doing and he also prayed for me.
I am so thankful that my Pastor took time to do a Skype call with me and tell me himself about my financial support situation. However after that conversation with my Pastor I felt so down and discouraged that I hit another huge obstacle of me being on the mission field. I was able to talk to my parents on Skype a bit later before I went to bed about my support situation. I really felt very discouraged and I cried so much while I spoke to my parents.
My Mom actually really surprised me when I spoke to her because she didn’t discouraged me at all or even say anything negative about the situation which is the total opposite of how she would have reacted a year or two ago. Here I was crying and saying “maybe this is a sign from God that He wants me to leave the mission field”. (Even though I knew deep down that I didn’t want to give up but I was just feeling overwhelmed again). My Mom told me that I cannot give up but I’m just facing some obstacles now and I need to keep pressing through them. I was very thankful for my Mom’s support that she gave to me when I talked to her. I went to bed with that feeling of being overwhelmed again and asked God to remind me that He is with me during this time.