My second week (October 3rd – 9th) here at the YWAM LA base for the SOMD (School of Ministry Development) was such a huge breakthrough for me and I really want to praise God for everything that He did in my life this week. This week’s topic was on our identity in Christ and on spiritual leadership. I am so very grateful of how God just continued to reveal to me so much more of who I am in Christ and the authority that I have in Him as His daughter. Kenny Peavy was our speaker this week and wow I really sensed in my heart that he was like a spiritual Father to us this week as he poured out his heart not only in his teaching time during our classes but also when I was able to meet with him a couple of times outside of the class time as well.
I really believe in my heart that it was God’s timing for Kenny to come and teach us this past week. One of the things that stuck out to me when he shared with us in class on Monday morning was “The decisions that God wants you to make He wants you to own those decisions.” Then he told us the decision that we have made to come and do this school right now we need to own that decision because this is a decision that God wanted us to do and it shouldn’t matter what other people think of why we have made this decision. A few weeks before I flew to Los Angeles, California there was a person who had questioned and challenged me to reconsider to go to the YWAM LA base for this school this fall. I felt very discouraged to the point of tears even though I knew in my heart that God wanted me to come here this fall however I came here anyway. I am so glad that I did stick through with this decision and now I can say that I fully own this decision I have made to do this leadership training school here this fall.
Last week which was our first week of the school we took a few days to share our testimonies in class. We used a tree method (you can read my previous blog to see what I mean by this) when we shared our testimonies so I thought it was really interesting this week of how Kenny told us to not focus on our fruit in our lives but on our root system. I learned this week that we need to be constantly asking God to work on our root system because this affects everything in our lives otherwise if we don’t work on this then we will not be healthy and especially as leaders, we won’t be able to lead people in a healthy way if we don’t focus on our roots in our lives.
It says in Luke 6:45b “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks”. This means if a person who struggles with fear, anxiety, worry it will come out of their mouth because it is already in his heart and this would then affect his relationships with people and especially if he is in any kind of leadership position it will then effect how he will lead people as well. Kenny taught us on Monday in class that God wants to reconcile, heal and deliver what the enemy tried to destroy in our lives right at the root system. This was such a huge revelation to me this week and I am so very thankful that I now realize how very important it is of how God wants to tackle and focus on our root system in our lives because it really does affect everything in our lives.
For me personally I have struggled with fear, anxiety and worry the majority of my life and I can definitely say that it has affected the relationships that I have with people (e.g. fear of man) and even when I have been placed in any kind of leadership positions as well. I have learned this past week these are not just struggles that I have in my life but they are also strongholds and bondages as well. I was reminded this week that as a daughter of God I have already been given the authority from the Lord because Christ has already won the victory when he died on the cross and rose again.
I was also reminded of the scripture passage from 2 Corinthians 10:3 – 5 which says: “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” When I think of this scripture passage it reminds me that the majority of our roots system does come from our heart but then it also is a huge battle field in our mind as well so we must constantly be aware of this and to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I believe the first breakthrough that happened this past week in my life was at the end of our Monday’s class when Kenny prayed over us to break off some things in our lives like fear, anxiety, worry, bitterness, etc. After he prayed this prayer he then told us that God is now going to give you the grace to now forgive people. My roommate then prayed out a forgiveness prayer out loud and during those moments that she did God spoke to me very clear in my heart that I need to forgive my Dad and to do it right now.
I honestly struggled in my heart to do this because I was so hurt from the time that my Dad had left my Mom which was in May 2013 but I just knew in my heart that it was time to do it because I not only wanted to be obedient to God but also for my heart to be free from the bitterness and to be healed as well so with tears streaming down my face I prayed out loud a prayer of forgiveness for my Dad. To be honest it was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done in my life but yet at the same time when I did it, it was like I had released it all to God and God then gave me a freedom and a healing in my heart that I don’t even know if I could possibility put it into words.
My second breakthrough this week was when Kenny did a deliverance ministry time with me on Thursday afternoon. I am also really thankful that Lisa who is my school leader and Anna who is my one-on-one mentor for the school were also there as well. During the hour and a half that we met together on Thursday I felt like I was on the front battle line and I can honestly tell you that there is definitely a spiritual realm as Jesus fought for my soul that day. I won’t go into detail what exactly happened during this ministry time but I can tell you that Jesus definitely kicked the devil’s butt and Jesus won that day!
I just want to praise God with all of my heart that He truly did sent His Son Jesus to set the captives free as it says in Isaiah 61:1! I literally felt in my heart and in my spirit during this time that Jesus was fighting for me and setting me free one by one from all of the demonic strongholds that were over my life like fear, worry, anxiety, shame, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, etc. At end of the ministry time, I felt in my heart so much peace and joy that it was indescribable! “So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36). Yes, I am now free because Jesus has set me free and I am free indeed!
After this ministry time had finished on Thursday afternoon Lisa my school leader told me that God has given me a voice and He wants me to use my voice to stand up in the authority that God has given me especially when the enemy tries to come at me with his dirty lies in the future. Kenny also encouraged me to wait on God and to listen to what God says who I am to Him so I did for a few minutes and I heard my Abba Father say to me that I am precious to Him, I am His daughter, I am His delight, I am His joy and I am accepted by Him. I also did more of this before I went to bed that day and wrote in my journal as well of what God spoke to me of who I am to Him.
Yesterday (Friday) afternoon my class did a fun scavenger hunt in the city of Los Angeles which also included stepping out of our comfort zones to pray for people and to share prophetic words with people as well. When we were out in the city I couldn’t get over my thoughts of what was going on in my mind because it was truly a battle which I don’t believe was a coincidence that it happened like it did right after God set me free the day before. During yesterday afternoon I struggled again with thoughts of doubt, fear, shame, etc but this time, I was beginning to recognize that they were not my thoughts but they were from the enemy which was exactly what Kenny told me on Thursday.
My heart is filled with so much gratitude of just how good God is and how He is constantly lavishing His love on His children. During yesterday afternoon I believe God was giving me discernment of how I can recognize of whose voices I am hearing in my mind and the Lord was teaching me to use my authority as His daughter as well. I am also so very grateful of how I heard God sing His love songs over me yesterday. It was just so beautiful of how God kept reminding me that He has chosen me, I am His beloved, I am worthy to be called his daughter. The Lord also kept telling me not to look down anymore but to look up and to walk with confidence because there is no more shame and I have been set free from it.
I would like to end by shouting out – Yes, I am free!!! I just praise God for all of His goodness and love. Yes, thank-you Jesus for setting the captives free, for setting me free from everything that kept me in bondage for so long and for bringing freedom to my heart.
My heart is now overflowing with so much joy because I know deep in my heart that I am truly free, I now know deep in my heart my identity of who I am as a daughter of God and He has given me the authority as His child because Jesus has already won the battle on the cross! In the past, I can probably say I didn’t truly believe this deep down in my heart but today is a new day and I am now choosing to walk in my identity of who I am in Christ every single day of my life. Amen!